Once a week I attended the Gnostic classes, something in it rang a bell for me, but I kept a skeptical approach as I wasn't prepared to fall into a belief.

A lot of the more esoteric things went over my head, but I liked the exercises of self-knowledge, for the first time I could actually see what was happening inside me with self-observation, although in the beginning it was like looking into pea soup as I tried to spot my emotions and their related thoughts as they arose. Finally with self-observation I was given a tool where I could actually see what was happening inside me psychologically, what caused me to feel the way I did. I could be my own student of myself and thereby could change myself.

I had wondered how anyone could achieve mystical states, I saw what they were not (the egos) and previously had some inkling of being in the present moment, but now I could actually practice being aware of the world through the five senses. By so doing I discovered in consciousness, a stillness, an awakening to a whole new way of living that offered me the potential to progress and develop, by developing awareness and removing the psychological entrapments of the egos.

Gradually the numbers in the group dwindled until I was the only one left, but this gave me the opportunity to have an individual teaching. Since I was only interested in what I could prove I asked them “don’t give me any ‘fairy stories’ (referring to the esoteric teachings) just give me practices.”

So the theoretical part was cut out, I was given a practical teaching each session, and I spent the whole week diligently trying them out, when the weeks study was done I would bring my results from what I had discovered through my own practice, we would talk about it, study some aspect of the teaching, be set a homework and in this way I would explore myself and the teaching each week.

Anchor exercises which Edith had made where you are aware of yourself doing simple tasks such as washing, eating, tying shoelaces, etc were a very useful start, and reminded me to think about being aware at other times.

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Starting Gnosis